


I'm Almost Me Again, She's Almost You

by DroppedAllTheseOreos



Category: Kamen Rider Ex-Aid
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, M/M, Past Graphite/Kagami Hiiro, Pining, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:28:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24677686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DroppedAllTheseOreos/pseuds/DroppedAllTheseOreos
Summary: Genm's data restoration team miraculously finds a way to bring Saki back. By all accounts, Hiiro should be overjoyed, or at the very least, relieved. But for some reason, he can't help but think of someone else...
Relationships: Kagami Hiiro/Momose Saki
Comments: 36
Kudos: 10





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Agacerie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agacerie/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy belated birthday Cherry! Sorry this didn't end up getting posted on your day, but it's here now and I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Also title is modified lyrics from Hozier’s “Almost”

Hiiro didn't go home after work often. Usually, he'd stay after hours, sometimes even after his father left, talking with the surgical interns, making sure the rest of the staff was on point, or even checking up on the patients. Hojo had certainly... left an impression on him, to say the least. But today, he was exhausted and wasn't entirely sure why. It wasn't a physical tiredness, either. No, this was something more emotional and mentally draining, so he wisely decided to stop for the day instead of doing his usual, personal rounds.

But as fate would have it, just as he was heading out, Saiba suddenly appeared, marching down the hallway, seemingly looking for him from the way her eyes honed in once she spotted him and she started marching towards him with Hanaya in tow, an iron grip around his wrist. They came to a stop right next to Hiiro, and despite his instinct to pretend he hadn't seen them and start briskly walking away, he paused and turned to them. He may have been tired, but he had to admit, he was curious as to what Saiba had to say, which ended up being, "Come with us to Genm to see the last batch of bugster victims get restored."

Well, "say" wasn't exactly the right word. She left no room for argument, and he knew a demand from her when he heard one. He looked over her head to Hanaya, and he shrugged subtly. So, he didn't know what she was up to either. it set Hiiro a little more on edge, even though he knew Saiba wouldn't do anything terrible to him. The worst she'd ever done was steal his cake, but past experiences from Rider Chronicle had left him wary. Once he nodded his assent, she turned on her heel and started marching Hanaya back down the hall. Hiiro expected them to go around and collect the rest of the CR staff, with Kujo probably already waiting at Genm, but Saiba just led them out and down to the sidewalk, where she finally let go of Hanaya's wrist. Why none of the other CR personnel were invited for this event was beyond Hiiro's understanding, and Saiba stayed mostly silent for the walk over, only barking at them to hurry up, or, rather rudely, grabbing them by the wrists and dragging them along when they lagged too far behind for her tastes.

After a long, arduous walk, Hiiro felt all sweaty and gross despite the brisk fall air as the seasons were quickly shifting to winter. Saiba really rushed them along and Hiiro hoped there was a good reason for this since Hanaya was looking worse for wear as well. At least he had a black shirt on that could hide any sweat soaking through his clothes, and Hiiro suddenly felt self-conscious of his pale blue shirt. They took the elevator to one of the middle floors, and she finally got them to the computer lab that was haphazardly repurposed as the main hub of the patient restoration efforts, she sat them down in some desk chairs and moved behind one of the computers to a group of programmers to presumedly tell them to start the process. Hiiro was a little suspicious that he could see no trace of Kujo, and he was starting to wonder why this was planned for just him and Hanaya.

The whole affair was a little boring at first, just the staff behind the monitors chatted with Saiba in hushed voices as the computer they were using as a "tunnel" out of the Game World whirred and hummed, further drowning out their voices as it worked. He could tell Hanaya was getting impatient from the way he was fidgeting, but he seemed content enough to let Saiba go about her business. Hiiro was feeling antsy as well, wanting to get home as soon as possible. He got to his feet, about to politely announce he was leaving when the computer started making a terrible sound, shuddering and rocking a little on its feet. The monitor it was attached to flickered, and he could see bright green 1s and 0s at the edges of the screen, slowly moving towards the center in a swirling pattern, as if they were being drawn in by a current of some kind.

The whirlpool of numbers started to speed up, and the pixels coming from the edges of the screen started increasing and flying in faster until the monitor was turned into a vortex of green and black. The spiral seemed to pull at the fabric of reality itself as Hiiro continued to watch it. It had to have been just numbers on a screen, but he swore the smallest point of the vortex felt like it stretched back into an infinite void, beyond the back of the monitor it was in, reaching to someplace further and darker than mere pixels on a screen could ever achieve.

He stared for what felt like hours when the colors flickered briefly. It happened a few more times before he realized that the flickering was pixels, similar to the ones that would come off the bugsters whenever they transformed or teleported. But they weren't just inside the screen, they were affecting the monitor itself, making the device seem like it was twitching and shifting around, creating after images of transparent blues, reds, and greens. After a few more unnatural movements, the numbers onscreen lit up in that familiar orange he'd come to associate with the virus and suddenly pixels of all colors and sizes were spilling out of the screen.

The colors and lights assaulted his vision, blaring bright and flitting around like a swarm of insects and Hiiro almost flinched away. But the pixels were starting to find their way to the ground, sticking there and gathering as they started to build up. He could see the vague forms of feet as the pixels continued to come together, moving and pulsing like fire as they slowly took on more humanoid shapes.

It wasn't long until the flurry of motion and light was starting to settle, colors fading away into solid forms and more muted hues, revealing a confused looking group of about fifteen or so people. Hiiro watched them without really seeing them for a while, still shocked by the restoration process. It wasn't until Hanaya suddenly stood that he snapped to attention and really looked and processed them.

The reason Saiba brought them to see the restoration found him first, shoving her way through the addled crowd of people until she burst out in front, panting and staring at them with a disbelieving look.

Saki...

Hiiro immediately wanted to run to her but restrained the urge. Things still felt strange, and he started flashing back to that horrible, dark basement and her hollow-sounding words. He didn't know if his affections would be appreciated and he still had the irrational fear that she'd been somehow conscious that whole time Masamune taunted him with her image. Hanaya tentatively took the initiative instead, stepping forward and staring at her in shock. She breathed deep, dashing forward and clutching him tight when she stumbled into him.

Suddenly feeling at a loss, Hiiro stayed glued to the spot when Saki slowly lifted her head from where she buried it in Hanaya's chest, one hand releasing its death grip on the back of his lab coat. He could scarcely believe it when she reached out for him. Hiiro found his body walking forward for him until she yanked him forward to hug them both.

"I knew you could do it," She said, trying to force her voice to be clear and confident, but Hiiro could hear it trembling.


	2. Speculation

The rest of the night went by in a blur, Saiba and the Genm staff gave a quick rundown of roughly what had happened to each of the patients and how they were researching a way to make them fully human again. Hiiro couldn't really take it in, his eyes fixed on Saki the whole time, until it was dismissed. The Genm staff herded the group down to the lobby where the families of the patients were waiting. Saki didn't rush out like the rest of the patients while she looked for her parents in the crowd, standing between Hanaya and Saiba the whole time. Eventually, she found them and pointed them out, then turned to thank all three of them for their help. Before she walked off to greet her parents, Saiba caught Saki by the wrist and whispered something to her, handing her a business card. Saki's eyes lit up, and she grinned excitedly at Saiba.

"Looking forward to your call!" She said and Saiba gave her a thumbs up with a smile.

Hiiro expected this to be the last time he ever saw Saki, as she picked up where she left off and carved out a life based on all the time she missed. But with this new development, he suspected he was going to be seeing more of her very soon. It filled him with relief, but also a nagging sense of dread. Saki bowed to all three of them, then walked off to greet her parents. With how long she'd been away, Hiiro imagined she'd be running to greet them with the same excitement as she did Hanaya and himself. But instead, she just took even steps, proper posture, and for how desperate her father seemed to play Chronicle and get her back, he and her mother embraced her with that same, mild temperament. Perhaps it was because they were all still in public, but something about that didn't exactly sit right in his mind.

He didn't get to dwell on it because his phone was suddenly vibrating in his pocket. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught Saiba with her phone out, and he narrowed his eyes at her as he took out his own.

_CR Team meeting after lunch at 1300 everyone! (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و_

Was the newest message in the group chat and he turned to her again for an explanation.

"We'll talk more about it in the meeting," Saiba said flippantly, "G'night you two, get home safe!"

And then she was walking away. Hiiro had the sinking feeling he knew what Saiba just set up, but he needed to be sure. And there was nothing he could do about it now, all there was left was to sleep and wait and see what happened at this meeting tomorrow. Hiiro wished Hanaya a good evening and called his driver to pick him up, trying not to let his nerves get the best of him the rest of the night.

* * *

Hiiro felt immediately validated in his suspicions of the medical examiner being involved when the first words out of Kujo's mouth were "So, how'd it go?" when he arrived at the CR meeting and flopped on the couch next to Hojo.

Hiiro exchanged a glance with Hanaya across the table as the rest of the staff made their way into the room.

Hojo watched them both with big, inquisitive eyes, seemingly interested in how it went as well. Of course, he'd seemed quite concerned when Masamune coerced Hiiro to his side using Saki. Though, now that Hiiro was thinking back on it, Hojo seemed to have been concerned ever since Graphite revealed himself as Saki's bugster.

"You planned this, didn't you?" Hanaya accused, and Kujo's smirk grew into a big smile.

"Nope," he laughed, "I only heard of it last minute from Shareholder Prime and my boss, of course."

Hanaya seemed just as taken aback as Hiiro felt. Tsukuru was in on it as well, then? Strange, but interesting.

Saiba snorted as she sat down next to Hanaya, "Don't let him fool you, he was totally at the meeting where we came up with this."

Kujo scowled playfully her and she stuck her tongue out in response. Hiiro ignored them and focused on his father and Asuna taking seats at the table as well.

"So, was it a good surprise?" Saiba asked, and Hiiro's face went still.

"It... Well, it was a surprise," Hiiro's shoulders barely raised in question.

"Yeah, some warning would've been nice," Hanaya scowled.

Saiba nodded, "Okay, let you know in the future, got it."

"I doubt there'll be anything like this in the future, but sure," he rolled his eyes, and Hiiro silently shared the sentiment.

After a bit of an awkward silence that had all of them looking around at each other, waiting to see who would start the meeting, Haima cleared his throat, "Well, Asuna, would you like to present our plan or should I?"

"I can do it, Director," Asuna nodded, then turned to address the whole group, "The Director and I have been discussing Saki's, honestly quite unbelievable, recovery and were considering bringing her into the fold."

Hiiro tilted his head slightly, wondering why they'd want to do that. Saki wasn't very interested in epidemic response from his recollection of her. She was looking to specialize in pathology. That could prove useful in researching the virus, but between Kujo and the teams at Genm, there didn't seem to be much room for her there.

"She's a very inquisitive young lady," his father added on, "From when I worked with her, she was always determined to find out all she could about a topic, which is why I helped her find a tutor from the hospital."

Hanaya shrunk away a little at the implication of Maki Jirou, even though he'd been revived as well. Much earlier in the process, too. After an interviewing phase much like his father and Asuna were describing now, Maki turned down the chance to return to CR and continue his work, so perhaps that had something to do with Hanaya's response.

"So, tying into that, we want to ask Saki about her experiences while she was in the game world, if she has any recollection, since she, like Dr. Maki, had circumstances much different from any of the other patients we've dealt with as of yet. But based on Director Kagami's experience with her," Asuna nodded to him slightly, "if we let her know more about the virus and her particular condition, he anticipates her becoming invested in finding out more, so it's easier to just add her to the staff if she's so inclined."

Kujo stretched his arms high above his head, resting them against the back of the couch, "Finally, a new addition I can get behind."

Of course, he'd be interested. He helped draft the questions for Maki's interview since Asuna and his father refused his attendance, but he insisted on being involved somehow. He had questions, and Maki was able to provide some answers for him. Kujo started bouncing interview questions off the rest of the group and Hiiro tuned them out, getting caught up in his thoughts, wondering how Saki would really take in all of this.

His father's take on Saki's personality was honestly a surprise to him. Hiiro knew there were things he didn't know about her, but he thought he had a clear idea of her personality. He never would've described her as determined. The image of Saki he had in his mind was gentle, quiet. She was talkative and curious, of course, so his father had that correct. But she always spoke with such a controlled, light tone. She was someone who was quite passive in a fight, even when she exploded on him in the campus courtyard, her voice was still soft as she vented and stormed off.

Perhaps she put on more of a facade of interest and determination with his father. Of anyone here, Hiiro spent the most time with her, so it was only logical he knew her best...

"Do you really believe that?"

Hiiro froze as the familiar sound of Graphite's voice snapped him to attention. He remembered the exact event that Graphite said those words to him, and wondered why he was recalling them now.

His mood had been flipping between dragging his feet or bouts of hyperfocused energy, underscored with anger, ever since he'd discovered Graphite was Saki's bugster. Her _murderer._ It was even affecting his performance in the operating theater, but he just managed to get through his most recent surgery. Now that it was over, he decided to take a walk to clear his head, but he ended up running into the very thing messing with his focus.

He felt an ice-cold rage that he was starting to become familiar with grip his heart as he whirled around to face the bugster.

Graphite was in his human form, sneering at Hiiro and he glared back.

"What do you want, bugster?"

But Graphite continued to scowl, stepping forward menacingly. He clicked his tongue when Hiiro remained silent in response, so he finally elaborated. "What Ex-Aid said during that battle. Do you really believe that?"

Hiiro's brow furrowed even deeper. What the intern said? Of course he did. Saki believed in him, she told him to be the greatest doctor in the world. Those were words to encourage him, and she was smiling as she said it, they had to be genuine. Graphite was just lying to get him riled up and sow doubt in his mind. He wouldn't be tricked by this.

"I do, and it's no business of yours what I believe," Hiiro said firmly.

The bugster's scowl only deepened and he snorted angrily, "Just like you always were."

Hiiro felt something hot rise up in his lungs and he yelled, "Stop it! Stop acting like you know how she felt!" The burning anger turned icy quicker than he expected, and he quietly rasped the last words, "I know you're only saying these things to trick me."

Graphite barked out a laugh, storming forward to grab Hiiro by the shirt with one hand, lifting him clear off the ground and charging ahead until the bugster had him pinned up against a tree. Hiiro felt the rough bark dig into his back as Graphite snarled in his face.

"You've worked with bugsters before. Tell me, since you're so smart, how do we figure out what stresses our host to infect them?"

Hiiro just glared back defiantly and Graphite scoffed.

"You haven't changed in five years, you still just hear what you want to, despite all the facts staring you right in the face. Some doctor you turned out to be."

Hiiro immediately wanted to snap back. Facts? There was no way, this was just more of Graphite's lies. But some part of him was whispering, churning the blood in his veins, saying maybe, just maybe, the bugster was right. What did he really know about Saki anyway? He didn't pay attention to her all that much, that's why she left in the first place and it killed any retorts waiting on his tongue.

Graphite eventually stopped scowling, taking in Hiiro's silence with careful observation instead of anger. He must've seen something in Hiiro's face that gave him pause because he let go of the surgeon, teleporting away and leaving Hiiro to stumble and catch himself from falling face-first into the dirt—

A warm hand on Hiiro's shoulder suddenly snapped him out of the memory and he looked up to see who was touching him, shrinking away from the contact a little. The hand retreated quickly and he saw his father hovering over him, a bit concernedly. When he looked around, the meeting seemed to be wrapping up and almost everyone else was gone save for Asuna and Kujo who were quietly chatting over a notepad together.

After a few moments, Haima looked like he wanted to ask something, but just shook his head and smiled warmly at Hiiro.

"Let's go home, son."


	3. Invitation

The next morning, while they were getting ready for work, Hiiro asked his father to catch him up on what he missed at the end of the meeting when he got caught up in his thoughts. Thankfully, all he needed to know out of everything he missed was when the meeting was, tonight, and who else was going to be attending besides them, Hanaya and Asuna. The team agreed that since it was a stressful time for Saki, with her sudden return, it would be better to let her ease into things and surround her with familiar faces for the moment. Haima assured Hiiro he didn't need to worry about the questions that the team came up with since he and Asuna would be handling them. All Hiiro would have to worry about was helping Saki feel comfortable and answering any questions she came up with.

For the rest of the day, Hiiro found himself on edge, wondering how all this would turn out. He felt anxious, worrying that he'd find out exactly where he stood with Saki when the meeting was over, and he didn't want to.

He hoped she would be accepting of him so he could take the time to make it up to her, but he couldn't help the nagging, familiar feeling at the back of his mind that wanted anything but that. This part of him just wanted Saki to dump him and tell him she never wanted to see him again because he didn't deserve her forgiveness. It wanted to make up for all the years she lost by letting her unleash her wrath on him... He didn't know why that part of him wanted this, or where it was even getting the idea she was even a wrathful person in the first place. She wasn't like that at all. Surely they'd be able to talk things out when it was the right time.

Hiiro was barely through the first hour of his shift and already thinking that the meeting couldn't come soon enough with all these thoughts swirling in the back of his mind. He couldn't focus on his work and needed to take multiple breaks to just step outside of the hospital and sit in silence, trying to come back strong and focus on his work every time. But the thoughts would always come back after a few minutes or so, and the whole day was a struggle to get even the smallest tasks done. After what felt like actual ages dealing with coworkers, patients, interns, and lectures for the residents, he almost bolted down to CR, sitting down a little unsteadily as he waited for the rest of the team to arrive.

He sat there for God knows how long, (literally, Kuroto was there, silently coding in the DoReMiFa Beat cabinet and briefly looking up every once in a while), stewing in his own anxiousness until the doors finally opened, and Poppy stepped through with an excited hop to her step.

"Hi, Hiiro!" She waved with both hands, then twirled around quickly, her whole body glowing bright yellow with little pink and green music notes and sparkles flying off her, costume changing into her business suit Asuna form, but without the glasses and her hair pulled back in a half ponytail like it was in her nurse outfit.

She pulled out a chair and sat down across from him, "Are you nervous about the meeting?" She asked voice pitched down the slightest bit to make her sound more... professional? He couldn't really put his finger on it, but something about her less squeaky voice sounded more soothing and he appreciated it. He didn't really feel like talking, despite the slight comfort, and just nodded, hoping his distress was showing on his face.

Asuna nodded sympathetically, "It's okay, I think this will go well."

They tried to make some small talk about her day to take his mind off things as his father and Hanaya slowly made their way into the meeting room and they joined in on the conversation. Saki insisted on getting escorted by Saiba, and she was the only one who had Saki's current contact information anyway, so they allowed it. They must've been chatting ever since they exchanged numbers because Saiba seemed excited to bring her down tonight. Hiiro was glad they were seemingly getting along given how... difficult, Saiba could be at times.

Eventually, the two women arrived in the elevator, and after a beat, Saki dashed forward a few steps, looking around with wide-eyed wonder at the meeting room.

"I never got to see the upstairs of this place," she said.

"Saki-chan, it's good to see you again," Asuna stood and said earnestly. Saki blinked surprisedly, taking a moment before recognition shone in her eyes.

"Nurse Karino, it's good to see you, too." She bowed slightly.

Asuna gestured her over to the empty seat next to her and Saki took it, sitting between her and Hanaya. There was another empty seat on the other side of him, that Saiba promptly took that one. Hanaya tried to get her to leave, but with some vouching from Saki, they reluctantly let her stay.

Now that they were all settled in, they started by asking Saki if there was anything she'd like to know about how the world changed in the time she'd been missing. She thought of quite a few things right off the bat, asking about what her classmates were up to, and if she'd be able to continue her education at Seito, or if she'd have to send in an application again. Haima answered those easily, and he had an impressive memory for the students that came and went to the university and filled her in on what they've been up to in the last nine years. Some were also victims of game disease during Rider Chronicle, others helped with the crisis, and others weren't even in Japan anymore and missed it entirely. But now that everything was over, they were all back to their lives and doing well.

After a few long tangents and some reminding from Asuna, they both got on track and talked about how Saki would be able to pick up where she left off when the next term started if she'd like.

"Ah yeah, my parents wanted me to ask," she said sheepishly, and Hiiro noticed she seemed a little more closed off for a while after she said it. He couldn't know exactly what was in her head, but it must've had something to do with her parents or medical school. He wanted to glean more off this shift in her demeanor as she talked with his father about credit transfers and graduation dates but didn't see much more beyond the initial withdrawal. As they talked, she slowly loosened up as the conversation shifted to less academic subjects, and that was the last thing he could get. She seemed a little relieved that they weren't on the topic anymore, and he wanted to ask her what she wanted to do instead if medical school was making her uncomfortable, but maybe that was a conversation to be had privately.

Once she ran out of topics, they started asking about her time in the game world. Hiiro tensed as he watched her responses closely.

She was able to describe the world of Drago Knight Hunter with incredible detail, right down to the other patients trapped there, frozen with little tags on them describing what she could only assume were character traits. She didn't have any when she woke up, and Asuna took that down, wondering aloud if it had something to do with Graphite being one of the earlier bugsters and the first successful, complete infection. Saki shrugged and when Asuna was caught up in her notes, they continued.

There was no sense of time in the game world, so she had no way of telling how long it felt. It was just the experience of being there, and she seemed to have a nice time until she lost consciousness and woke up in the Genm office. Hiiro shared a glance with Hanaya across the table, assuming this was when Masamune took part of her data out to "recruit" Hiiro, while Saki went on. She got into tangents often, presumably because she was a fan of the games, which was news to them, and she was enthralled by being able to see the world and creatures up close, even if everything was in muted, off tones. Saiba perked up when Saki described something or other about some obscure lore about scale patterns on one kind of dragon that confirmed fan theories about a different game and turned the tangent into a whole conversation.

Hiiro thanked whatever power that was looking out for CR (assuredly not Kuroto), that Kujo and Hojo weren't invited. If they were, they'd never get anywhere in this meeting between Kujo prying at her for more details about the protogashat world, and Hojo probably getting excited like Nico was over video game talk. For as much as they worked with them, there wasn't much talk about the actual content of the games, and he must be bursting at the seams with trivia and lore he never got to discuss while they were working on solving the outbreaks.

But Asuna was, fortunately, able to get them back on track by asking if Saki remembered anything that might've caused her to get infected, and to Hiiro's surprise, she answered quite instantly.

"If this virus works the way I think it does, I got electrocuted by the Drago Knight cabinet after it went through some maintenance at my local arcade and I beat the final level with Graphite. I thought it got hooked up wrong when it got put back, but thinking back on it, I noticed my symptoms about... three days after that?"

Hiiro felt completely thrown off by that new information. He never saw Saki as someone who played video games, much less violent ones.

"I would usually go at the end of the week to blow off steam from studying, and it was nice to get out of the apartment every now and again," She continued with an excited grin.

Saiba almost took them into another tangent about Drago Knight games for handheld consoles, but thankfully Haima reeled the conversation back in by asking Saki if there was anything else she wanted to catch up on. Saki thought for a while and started to ask about more general changes in the world, what she missed of the Bugster epidemic, how all of them were doing and wanting to know more about Saiba and how she knew everyone there.

The team all exchanged looks, but they took turns explaining things to her, trying to build up a timeline, but leaving it open for her to ask questions and asks for more detail about something else.

The longer the meeting went on, the heavier that all the time Saki had missed out on weighed down on him.

The realizations seemed to affect her as well, and as they continued she started to get more and more closed off. She was still polite and listening carefully, reacting with appropriate expressions and responses, but something about it was wrong. Her smiles never fully reached her eyes, and there was something forced in the way she frowned when she got bad news. Normally, Hiiro wouldn't have noticed, but working with Hojo and his "I'm fine" brush offs made him more aware of the behavior in others. And now he felt hyper-aware of it in Saki.

In many ways, it was understandable. She had lost out on nine whole years of her life. Time she'd never get back, that he and Graphite took from her. However, the only moments the facade would drop for something more genuine was when she engaged with Hanaya. It hurt at first, all his fears about how she felt about him, how she didn't want to associate with him anymore, how she could replace him easily, getting affirmed at that moment.

But when he thought about it, her behavior wasn't singling him out. She was uncomfortable with almost everyone. She tried to get Hanaya's opinions and answers on her questions and even went as far as to ask about the streaks in his hair and the tiredness in his eyes. It made sense that she'd be worried and most comfortable with him because in her most recent memory, he was the one taking care of her. Hiiro didn't know what was exchanged between the two of them when she was his patient, but he seemed to give her hope. Saki's behavior still stung, even after rationalizing the situation, but Hiiro hoped she would slowly lower her guard around him while trying to understand her discomfort.

At least she perked up when they offered her the opportunity to work at CR at the end of it to hopefully lighten the mood.

"Wait really?" She beamed, slapping her hands down on the table excitedly, "Even though I'm still going to just be a student?"

Haima nodded, "You seem quite interested in the games the virus is based on and mixed with your focus in pathology, we believe that could be really helpful as you continue learning."

Saki looked like she was about to agree outright, leaning forward excitedly, but she slowly wound herself back up, sitting properly in her chair again and biting her lip, "Um, well, I might need to ask my parents first if I'm going to be staying late after classes and all. They're a little concerned after the whole, me disappearing for nine years thing."

Hiiro noted that seemed to come as a surprise to his father, but he just ended up nodding and pressing his lips together, "Well, I hope they agree to it, but I do understand their concern. Your father was especially worried enough to risk his life playing Chronicle to try and get you back."

She blinked owlishly at that, "He did?" her eyes turned downwards in thought, "He never mentioned..."

Some looks were exchanged around the table and Haima seemed like he wanted to reach out but pulled back instead, "If you want help in talking to him about it, I'd be more than happy to arrange something."

Saki met his gaze again and nodded slightly, "I think I'd like that, thank you."

* * *

When the meeting let out, Saki hung back a little, smiling at Saiba as she asked her to wait for a while when Saiba offered to walk her home, opting to pull Hiiro aside. He tried to hold back the excited fluttering in his heart, and make sure he listened to what she wanted to say.

"Hey, this might be really out of line, since you're this bigshot doctor and probably super busy, but I was wondering if maybe you could help me catch up on a few more things in your free time? I was thinking we could go to a cafe like we always said we would treat it like a study session or something."

There was a beat before Hiiro was nodding cautiously, trying his best to answer despite the whirl of thoughts behind his eyes, "I'd enjoy that, I think."

Saki pulled out her cell phone, "Let's exchange numbers so we can coordinate a time and everything."

Hiiro took his phone out and they quickly shared contact information. Saki thanked him, then ran back to Saiba. She looked over her shoulder and half-waved one last time before they disappeared through the automatic doors leading to the hall.

When he was sure he was alone, Hiiro stumbled back and flopped onto the couch, pressing into it heavily as he tried to process everything that happened in the last few hours.

Saki asked him out... On a date.

On what sounded like a _date_ date.

Now that he was thinking about it, they'd never gone on one of those before. They always went on study dates where he'd be more into his textbooks than engaging her.

But now, they were going on what sounded like a serious date and they hadn't even discussed where they stood with each other, something they sorely needed to do before they rushed into rekindling their relationship. A new part of Hiiro flared up, not wanting to question it and follow along wherever Saki decided to drag them. It was nice, to be wanted again, and so easily as well. He tried to ignore the part of his brain that desired Saki's retribution interpreted all this as retreating, just wanting to take the easy way out, and demanding him to approach her about it. He couldn't get out of his punishment so easily.

Both of those parts warred with each other, mingling and weaving around other thoughts trying to rationalize the situation.

Yes, he needed to talk seriously with Saki about their relationship, and pretending that nothing happened would only make things worse,

But maybe that's why she asked him out, maybe Saki wanted to talk about it seriously, but was nervous he'd turn her down and disguised it as a return to normalcy,

Why would she think she needed to hide her intentions to get him to do something? Didn't she know how devoted he was to making sure she got to live her new life to the fullest? Did she think she needed to deceive him to get him to do things? That he still wouldn't listen to her?

Surely, he was being ridiculous. Saki was the sweetest, gentlest person on earth, she would never even consider deceiving anyone.

But what if?

What if, what if, _what if?_

Hiiro groaned and leaned forward to hold his head and try to calm his thoughts down. He squeezed his eyes shut against the storm pounding around in his skull, head already starting to ache from the pressure of his worries. He needed to remember how to calm down, so he took a long, deep inhale, held it for a few seconds. The air in his lungs felt disgusting, swirling around like a poisonous miasma, and he exhaled it a little forcefully. For the next few, he repeated the slowed, deliberate breaths, trying to remember what Asuna had taught him when she insisted on seminars about PTSD and dealing with anxiety attacks for the CR staff.

Once his head slowed down and his breathing started to even out again, he sat back up, eyes still closed as he rested his head against the wall behind the couch, and started weighing his options again. He wanted to have a serious conversation with Saki, but that would be hard. He knew he wasn't ready, but it was important. And really, was anyone ready for conversations like that?

But there was also Saki to consider. He didn't know what this date was really about and he wouldn't know until they went on it. Ultimately, he wanted to follow Saki's lead on their relationship, and if she wanted to drop the problem and move on, he could work with that.

Maybe it would be best to avoid the conversation and let everything go back to normal...

"Giving up already?"

Hiiro didn't even flinch at the bugster's voice nagging at the back of his brain anymore and just let himself get lost in the memory. He'd been thinking of Graphite so much lately and he didn't know why.

He pointedly ignored Graphite's jab and kept limping his way home from more failed attempts to avenge Saki and to stop the unlicensed doctor and the medical examiner from doing whatever they wanted with their Rider statuses.

Brisk crunches of gravel from behind let him know that Graphite was approaching, but Hiiro didn't have the will or desire to fight him off or even turn around and confront him. Let Graphite just wear himself out and leave suddenly like he always did. If Hiiro were in better shape to think about it longer, he might've wondered if Graphite paid visits like this to Hanaya, maybe even the other riders as well, or if he was a special case. But this sadly wasn't one of those times, and he continued to stumble on until a sharp pain shot through his chest. Hiiro clutched at it, tripping over his own feet and blindly reaching forward with his other hand to catch himself when he hit the ground.

But instead, he found himself being hauled back up roughly by arms that maneuvered him into a position where his arm was thrown over shoulders and most of his weight was rested against a body. Hiiro tried to flinch away, but he was too tired to put up much of a fight, and eventually gave in to the manhandling.

He didn't know why he was surprised when he saw Graphite was the one who had caught him. There was no one else around to do it, but on the other hand, the bugster always seemed so antagonistic towards him, he never would've expected rescue from someone who saw him as a sworn enemy.

They walked in silence for a while, Graphite practically carrying Hiiro, but letting him lead them back home.

"Why are you doing this?" Hiiro eventually asked, voice rough.

"It would be dishonorable to just let you die out here. If injuries from me are going to be the reason you fall, I want it to be direct, and I want it to be on the battlefield," Graphite kept his eyes on the road, but Hiiro figured the scowl directed ahead was meant for him, "What about you? Shouldn't your driver be taking you home if you're looking this terrible?"

Hiiro hummed in thought, not wanting to answer. He didn't want to be seen like this. Weak, helpless. Just a scared little prince who didn't really know what he was doing just like the unlicensed doctor said he was.

Graphite just scoffed, "Why did I expect a response? You'd think after five years I'd know better."

"You opened up on your own volition, expecting the same from me is foolish. Revealing information to you would be detrimental since we're enemies, wouldn't it?"

Graphite shrugged, jostling him a little bit, "You're leading me to your home, aren't you?"

Hiiro stiffened up, both from the movement sending pain through his shoulder and from the sudden hole torn into his reasoning. They continued on in silence for a few more moments, until Hiiro gave in and said, "I didn't want anyone to see me like this."

Graphite slowed for a moment and glanced at Hiiro briefly through the corner of his eye. Eventually, he just grunted in what Hiiro assumed was approval, because the bugster was quickly hauling him off again once he found whatever he was looking for. But Hiiro was still searching for something, and he definitely wasn't going to get the answers from watching his expressions.

"Why didn't you just do it earlier today?" The bugster grunted a confused little sound, so Hiiro clarified, "You said that if you killed me, you'd want it to be direct, so why didn't you? You could've taken all three of us out, but you let us go."

He got a little hum of interest then, "It wouldn't have been fair. You're all still weak. There's no honor in killing a foe before they've reached their full potential."

Hiiro's jaw clenched as he thought about the response. For some reason, this was the first thing that Graphite said that felt like it was untrue without any outside prompting. There were a lot of things to think about on why that was, and Graphite being right about Saki's feelings towards him when she died was something he didn't want to even consider right now. All he'd note for now was that he noticed Graphite holding back when they fought sometimes, and didn't believe it was entirely out of some honor code.

"I see," He finally mumbled, and Graphite clicked his tongue irritably in response, letting a slightly more comfortable silence settled between them for the next leg of their journey to his home.

They exchanged a few more words as they walked to Hiiro's home, mostly bickering about how Graphite should support his weight and some snarky comments of how the "Little Prince" would hate being bridal carried so Graphite didn't resort to it in the first place even though it would speed up their trip to his house by a lot. When they finally arrived, Hiiro insisted that Graphite just leave him at the front gate. It was mainly so he didn't run the risk of them being seen together, but he wouldn't say that, telling him that he'd be able to make it back on his own, that he could handle it from here. The bugster fixed him with a skeptical look, but let him go, regardless.

"Until we clash again, Brave..." Then he smirked, wicked, and amused, "Or until you need someone to pick up your sorry ass after a fight again," Graphite said before teleporting away.

Hiiro made an offended noise, but the bugster was gone before he could even think of a word to get in. Pouting, he hobbled his way up to the front door and quietly tried to let himself in without anyone getting noticed. After getting some basic first aid done, and realizing he'd need some extra help taping his ribs and with some lacerations on his back, he phoned his nurses and they said they'd be on their way immediately. He tried to relax while waiting for them and settled into bed.

Now that Graphite knew where he lived, Hiiro couldn't shake the sense that he would be seeing more of the bugster and tried to squash down the part of him that actually looked forward to seeing him again.


	4. Distraction

Hiiro rearranged his schedule a little bit to get a day off and finally made some plans with Saki, asking where she was thinking of going. Saiba made her a long, long list of pastry shops and cafes within a reasonable price range that she may or may not have paid one of the Genm data analysts extra to make, and Saki suggested a few from it. After some back and forth, they settled on the one closest to the hospital, so there was the smallest chance possible of Hiiro getting lost. He wasn't embarrassed to admit that he didn't get out much besides bugster emergencies and whatever outings the rest of CR organized, and Saki seemed strangely proud of him for saying so. After some jokes about her needing to walk him home to make sure he didn't get lost, Hiiro found that he was grateful she even considered asking about how far he could go and still feel comfortable.

Eventually, the day came, and Hiiro felt a familiar sense of dread and excitement churning in his stomach. He was determined to do this right, now that he was getting a second chance, but there were parts of him that were anxious about messing everything up again, and what Saki's real intentions were. He tried to stick to the breathing exercises Asuna gave him despite the back of his mind still warring about what theyd do if she wanted to have a serious conversation. With some time, he managed to calm himself enough to outwardly appear normal and ready for this outing. Saki was running a bit late, so Hiiro was just waiting outside of the cafe for her, feeling like it would be awkward to be sitting alone for a while. Plus, the place wasn't that busy today, so they should be able to get a table quickly.

Saki finally ran up, carrying a drawstring sports bag instead of a purse like he expected, "Sorry I'm late! You could've just gone in without me!"

He blinked confusedly at the outfit she was wearing. He was expecting hair down, and skirts and blouses or maybe a dress, with something light colored and summery on her feet, like sandals or mary janes. Outfits he was used to seeing on her. But instead, her hair was tied up in a neat braid, and she was wearing a dark navy button up with pinstripes of cream, tucked into beige slacks. The pants seemed a little too big, but she had a dark brown leather belt to keep it in place. Her shoes were comfortable looking, but still professional enough that she could be seen working in the hospital.

She shrugged slightly when his eyes found their way back up to her face. At least she was still wearing her usual pearl necklace and earrings, so that felt familiar and grounding against all the sudden changes to her wardrobe.

Saki looked good.

Really good.

Like he didn't know she could look this sharp and stunning and honestly... the word that came to mind for her was "handsome" and he felt strange for even thinking of it. It wasn't supposed to be a word for women, but he couldn't find any words that suited her better in this look.

The weird words to describe her and the sudden change from what he usually pictured Saki in his mind's eye in left him at a complete loss, so he just clung to what he was familiar with, matching those pearl accessories with her name and memory.

"I'm trying out some new looks for work when I start at CR, how is it?" She held her hands out to show off the sleeves and the silhouette of the shirt tucked into the pants.

He nodded approvingly, "It looks nice."

Saki looked at him with a light smile, maybe expecting more, but when he didn't say anything else she just looked away sheepishly, "Sorry again for the wait."

Hiiro shook his head slightly, "It wasn't that long," and gestured for them to head inside.

Saki bounced on her toes excitedly for a moment before she quickly stopped herself, resuming her proper, perfect posture, and walked inside. Hiiro tilted his head, watching her confusedly for a beat, then followed her in. He felt like he picked up on some interesting habits and tells she had while watching her during the meeting. A voice at the back of his head that vaguely sounded like Kujo was commending him for starting to pick up body language, so he quickly brushed it aside. He didn't need to be thinking about the others right now, he should be focusing on just Saki. It's what she deserved, after all.

Before the bugster crisis, Hiiro thought he could deduce someone's entire personality after the initial meeting with them. But now that his colleagues at CR had proven him wrong so many times, he was trying to pay attention to the little things in everyone. Tells and gestures and words that would give him insight into things that people were trying to keep hidden, or couldn't say out loud. Even with someone who he thought was static and normal like Saki, he was seeing things that he'd never noticed before and never thought to associate with her. They got seated quickly, and he was a little too caught up in watching her to catch what she said as they opened the menus, just making a non-commital sound to respond.

She gave him another one of those fake, plastered-on smiles and went back to looking at the menu. He tried to pay more attention to what she was saying as he looked down at the selections himself, sneaking glances at her every once in a while. The genuineness had returned to her expression in the form of interest in whatever was on offer and she hesitantly pointed out certain desserts, asking for his opinions, trying to start a conversation. Now that he was more aware, he offered up little smiles and comments on how pretty the menu photos looked, genuinely enjoying the moment and as they talked, she started to look like she was, too. As they were going over the drinks menu, Saki looked up at him and genuinely grinned at him, coyly brushing some hair behind her ear, and something in his chest went warm, distracting him from the rest of the conversation as his mind started to wander.

It was surprisingly nice to have Saki back. They still hadn't had a serious talk about their relationship, so that calmed most of his mind. He tried to reassure himself that getting used to each other again was a good place to start building up to it. Before, they hadn't talked much, so finding a mode of conversation they were comfortable with before having that talk felt important. And just seeing her gush over pastries and learning all her little body language tells was more engaging than he initially thought. It made him wonder how she'd actually be when they got their order.

He'd never really paid attention when she was alive, so he only really had the experience of others in CR to go off of. Saiba, Hanaya, and Kujo were disasters when it came to food, using the time more like a social hour, either eating hastily so they could talk unhindered more, or talking with their mouths full and they'd share utensils and meals. Well, it was stealing when it came to Hanaya's food, especially when he sat between them, making it easier for one to distract him while the other hastily grabbed the 'good bits' of food and split it between the two of them. Asuna and Hojo acted more like civilized human beings, and he hoped Saki would be more like them. That was something more familiar and he could work with.

Or maybe she'd be like Graphite...

He had no point of reference for what he was like besides the others telling him about the time Parad and Graphite teleported into CR, joking about Saki wearing off on the dragon bugster since he stole a slice of cake from the table. She was his host, so it'd only make sense they were similar... Where was this coming from? He was supposed to be here, focusing on Saki, and once again, Graphite was interrupting his thoughts instead. The waiter came by and took Saki's order, then turned to Hiiro, breaking his thought process and making him fluster to find something to say. His eyes flickered down to the menu and he ordered the first thing he saw, only registering it was an earl grey tea after the waiter left.

Not his favorite, but he could make do.

They made small talk, catching her up on a few specific things that she'd missed. Nine years was a long time, there was no way she'd be caught up in just one meeting. He was valiantly attempting to explain that he had no idea what 'Balancing Sasuke' was and 'no it probably wasn't still a meme' when the food came. She'd gotten a few desserts, and he was easily able to recognize sachertorte, canelé, and strawberry shortcake.

"Feel free to take some," She offered, gesturing at the plates with her fork.

Hiiro started panicking. She might not have offered to share utensils, but she was exhibiting behavior similar to Saiba and Kujo and he wasn't prepared to deal with that. He never shared food, and it was always Poppy Pipopapo, Saiba or Kujo stealing if he ended up experiencing cross-contaimation. It was only now that he realized he hadn't ordered anything besides his drink, and he'd already eaten a proper meal before. Would she see that as rude? Is that why she was offering up her desserts? And she ordered a lot, was this her meal?

He started wracking his brain to see if he could remember if she would replace meals with just sweets when they studied together, but her voice cut through his thoughts before he could struggle with them more.

"Um, if you don't want it's okay," Saki began but he quickly held his hands up to reassure her it was okay, and took up his utensils, looking to her for confirmation that the offer was still open. She chuckled softly and gave a "go ahead" gesture.

Hiiro nodded, taking a bit of the shortcake, Saki watching carefully as he ate. He knew he usually made a slightly uncomfortable face when he took a bite out of pastries, the sugary taste being unpleasant, but he liked to think he'd gotten better at suppressing it. He just hoped it wasn't showing now since he started cutting back on eating them when the crisis was over. He was a little out of practice.

"So, I heard you developed a sort of sweet tooth after I died," Saki said, leaning forward on her elbows.

Hiiro shrugged, "I wanted to keep your memory alive somehow."

He expected her to be touched by that, but her expression fell instead, "Oh..." She said quietly, her eyes falling to the tablecloth, and her posture straightening out again, "Well, thank you, that's very sweet." Saki still wouldn't look at him directly, but the slightly forced smile was there again, making her words sound a little happier.

They started eating again in silence, and Hiiro tried his best not to come off as weird as he carefully watched her eat. But, there were some times where her eyes locked with his and she looked away, and he knew he made it awkward. His thoughts started to run out of control again so he kept quiet while he processed them. Saki looked so satisfied with every bite of pastry, sometimes savoring it and sometimes rushing her fork back to the plate for more. And the whole while, he found himself wondering if Graphite did the same. The bugster's alleged love of pastries was obviously a trait from Saki, and he found himself trying to imagine how Graphite would look sitting across from him in the cafe seat instead.

Would he make that soft, barely-there but genuine-looking smile after taking a sip of warm tea like it was the most soothing thing in the world? Hiiro thought he'd have trouble imagining it, but the visual came to him easily. Saki tried to make small talk throughout the rest of their time, but he didn't really pick up on it, only making non-committal sounds of approval or acknowledgment when he thought they were necessary. Eventually she stopped, and they finished eating in relative silence.

"Was something on your mind?" Saki asked while they were leaving the cafe, "You seemed distracted for a while in there."

He shook his head a little, "Just a bit tired from work."

She stared at him for a few more moments, as if she wanted to say something, but let it slide, nodding with a little smile and started insisting she walk him home.

He hated lying through his teeth but telling Saki the truth would be so much worse.

* * *

When he was finally in bed after escorting Saki home from what had to have been one of the worse dates she'd been on, Hiiro tried to reflect on how the day went. It seemed like it started out fine. Yes, they had what he thought was a pointless conversation about her walking him home instead of the other way around, but he insisted and she reluctantly gave in. When they got to the park in her neighborhood, he realized how not pointless that minor spat really was. She told him she could get home from there, but he insisted on escorting her the whole way, so she sighed heavily and marched into the restrooms, coming out in a pastel teal dress, with soft-looking white lace details and a elegant butterfly print in a darker, bolder blue at the bottom. She wore those familiar open, white shoes and even put some makeup on. He had the feeling there was something different about her face when she first showed up, but now that she was actually wearing it, he could make the connection.

He could even see the drawstring bag poking out of the beige purse she was holding and pointed it out. Saki hastily shoved it back down and they continued their little trek to her house until she was safely inside, thanking him for the nice time and then closing the door behind her.

That was terrible in and of itself, but he didn't even get to think about the memories of Graphite creeping into his thoughts yet. He couldn't believe he spent the second half of their time at the restaurant imagining the bugster in Saki's place... Or that thing he said about keeping her memory alive that clearly disappointed her.

That smile she made...

Of course, since this seemed to be the theme of the day, Hiiro found himself likening that smile to Graphite's expressions. Always controlled, always restrained, always holding something back as if he was taught to do it at a young age... As if he had a childhood to even reference that kind of learned behavior from. Well, since he had Saki's memories, and now that Hiiro had her for direct comparison, it was starting to make a lot more sense on why that was.

Before, Hiiro didn't put much thought into Graphite when he was around, and if he were put on the spot back then, he'd say that the bugster's restrained expressions were a choice Genm made to program into his personality. Something to make him stoic and more of a typical warrior character, even though somewhere deep down, he knew it was wrong. He'd caught glimpses of the dragon knight in his actual game over the shoulders of Hojo and Parad when they'd bring their consoles over to play in CR. And every time he saw that Graphite, he was out of control, raging like a wildfire. Even though the game Graphite was always in his monster form, there was nothing restrained about him, aggressive body language, and unfiltered, rough words highlighting the difference between him and the Graphite Hiiro knew more than human facial features could.

Hiiro could easily remember the first time he learned Graphite was the bugster that killed Saki. It was hard to forget the burning pain from his insults and lies about how Saki died with anger in her heart towards him. It was so easy to ignore the real intent behind Graphite's words in favor of wanting him destroyed to somehow avenge her, fervently wishing the bugster had never been born and she was there in his place.

But now, all he could find himself doing whenever he looked at Saki was think of Graphite. Where had the shift happened? And why? He should be happy she was back. That was his main reason for fighting this whole time and yet...

And yet...


	5. Cusp

Seito University's semester had a few months before it started up again, and Saki was still in talks with Hiiro's father about re-enrollment. And recently, they'd been joined by some of the school administration and other students who had been lost during the Bugster Crises. Hiiro couldn't put his finger on what it was exactly, but whenever he saw her in deep conversation about medical school with his father in CR's meeting room, she always looked a little distant or distressed. As if continuing her education wasn't entirely of her own will. It left him confused since she always seemed to be interested in helping others. She was talkative and friendly from his recollection of their schooldays, and pathology could be quite collaborative, though they didn't see patients as much. Maybe having the other students there was the thing that was throwing her off. He wasn't allowed in the meetings, just catching glimpses through the window in the door to the breakroom. He figured he wouldn't let it worry him too much. Even if she stopped pursuing pathology, whatever Saki decided was probably going to be something medical adjacent so there would be time to spend with her.

Haima and the school board agreed letting Saki start her internship immediately would be in everyone's best interests as she had nothing but time to do whatever she wanted outside of academic meetings. Once they came to a verdict, they decided they'd start her slow, letting her intern once every two weeks. Coming to CR every once in a while seemed to ease her worries about the impending semester and her hesitance about returning to the medical field, further reassuring Hiiro that nothing was wrong. And when she wasn't there, she was out and about, refamiliarizing herself with the city and how it changed or stayed the same. The only reason he knew was from the photos she sent him from her little excursions.

Being a bugster seemed to have its perks, and she took full advantage of the teleportation during her internship. Whenever she'd do her biweekly visit, she'd always try to find Saiba at Hanaya's clinic first. They seemed to be getting close, and by proxy, Saki was getting closer to Hanaya as well. Hiiro knew the two of them had some history from Zero Day but he wasn't sure how deep that ran or how much it influenced their relationship, but he was happy that she was connecting well with her soon-to-be coworkers.

And, maybe best of all (it left him with a content feeling anyway), Saki always made an effort to meet with Hiiro in CR or where ever he happened to be in the hospital and they would hang out for a few minutes. It was short, but perfect, since he usually needed to run out and complete some tasks, and she would head to Genm afterward to meet with Kujo for her actual training. Haima asked, and Kujo agreed to be her mentor since he was wrapping up work on the restoration project with Saiba, and vaccine work would be a perfect introduction for Saki given her field of specialization.

For some reason, that was what made Hiiro nervous, mainly about Saki potentially getting re-exposed to the virus. He had no idea how Kujo was able to grow and sustain a computer virus in a petri dish, but he managed it, and he had dozens of them. And Hiiro couldn't help but fear that Kujo would make a mistake or somehow spread them. He tried to reassure himself that the medical examiner was absolutely on point with contagions, always using gloves and taking them off and then getting new ones if he needed unprotected hands for some reason, but there was still no telling if he would infect Saki again from working together.  
Kujo was handsy with every member of CR, reminding Hiiro of colleagues from his time in America, but he would reel it in when it was unnecessary, except around Hojo, of course. Hiiro thought it would take Saki the most time to warm up to his, honestly, outlandish personality, since she seemed so opposite to him. But with some stories about forensics classes and trigonometry jokes that went over Hiiro's head, Saki had easily fallen into step with Kujo's jokes and casual touches.

Like with Poppy and Saiba, Kujo was more restrained with Saki, not throwing his arms around her or grabbing her shoulders. Instead, he offered little fist bumps or playfully elbowed her out of the way when they accidentally walked through the door at the same time, leaving her giggling and shoving back to go through first. Seriously, what kind of man didn't let a woman go first? Surely, Saki was upset and was just trying to humor him, there was no way Maki treated her this way when he mentored her.

And yet, seeing them together, it got Hiiro wondering if he and Saki were still dating or not, but he figured they were. They went on a date, and he still loved her.

While he would've been confident in saying she felt the same, he was starting to get the impression that might not be exactly the case. He couldn't put his finger on why he was getting this impression, but it was there, the feeling sometimes rearing its head whenever he wasn't occupied with a task that took up all his concentration.

But yes. The main concern was the petri dishes. Not the camaraderie he didn't understand and was absolutely not jealous of. So he brought up his concerns to the medical examiner as Saki was starting to transition into once a week visits for her internship.

"Aw, c'mon, Hiiro," Kujo said with his usual half-smile, "I've been working with the virus for ages now, and I haven't been infected. Can't get sick if you're already a virus, right? We're probably the best people to be working on this stuff."

Hiiro opened his mouth to protest, given how the creation of Mighty Doctors XX went, but Kujo nearly fell out of his chair with how quickly he leaned forward to interrupt the rebuttal, "That was one time and we're not going to be working with Gamedeus since that gashat already exists. Seriously, don't worry, we'll take good care of her, and if she gets infected again there's seven..." Kujo grimaced and gestured back towards the DoReMiFa cabinet to indicate Kuroto, " _Eight,_ of us, to fight off any bugsters that come up"

"Kujo." Hiiro said softly, "You keep saying 'we.' What do you mean by that?"

"Oh, no one told you? After he heard Momose was back, Maki decided to join up again, but he's gonna primarily work from Taiga's clinic, so we have me at Genm, he'll be permanently there, and Momose will be the primary pathologist for CR when we get both of them up to speed."

This was certainly news to him, and he couldn't help but get a bad feeling about all this.

But, another month of Saki's internship would prove that bad premonition wrong. Saki seemed to bloom in her role, under Maki and Kujo's guidance. After a tear-filled and ecstatic reunion between senpai and kouhai, Saki got right to work with the both of them, showing a side he'd never really seen before. Hiiro was starting to second guess his initial reaction to his father's impression of Saki.

He was starting to see more and more of that curious and driven side that he'd mentioned before, especially now as he was helping oversee training exercises for CR. 

As Hiiro watched Saki actually take the lead in the simulation his father and Director Hinata set up for the pathology team, she was almost glowing with how excited she was. Her nervousness was palpable, understandably, since she was working with two pathologists who had years more experience than she did, but she was still able to work through it, her voice only wavering a few times as she delegated and worked through her section of the puzzle.

She almost looked like a natural, and it conflicted so much with his idea of her. Hiiro couldn't help but feel like he was on the edge of some kind of realization about who they were to each other.

* * *

"Brave,"

The call of his Rider tag was the only warning he got before Graphite was pushing him back up against the hospital wall. Graphite had caught him in a dark hallway that was undergoing maintenance, and there wouldn't be anyone here for a while unless they needed something from the janitor's closet. He was here wanting some time alone, but here was Graphite invading his space, once again. This position was starting to feel all too familiar to Hiiro, from both sides. Though, getting shoved against walls by Graphite was quickly becoming more common than holding the intern against them. If he had more of a sense of mind to joke about these things, he'd say that he and Graphite were getting quite close over the few days between the bugster helping him home and trying to figure out how to solve the current Drago Knight outbreak. But he wasn't that kind of person and started shoving back against the bugster's hold.

"Do you have any regrets?"

Hiiro narrowed his eyes, caught off by the question at first, "What do you want this time?"

"I just want to make sure you don't die with any regrets if you have any, I know I don't want to," Graphite sneered back.

"Start making sense," Hiiro struggled against Graphite's hold for a moment, but stopped when he saw the bugster's expression, "I'll ask again, what are you doing?" His voice was quieter this time.  
"The way things are going, one of us will be dead by tomorrow." Hiiro tensed at those words. "I don't want any regrets, do you?" Graphite leaned in, "Do you wanna die a kissless bastard?"

"How do you know—?"

"I have Saki's memories, dumbass. It's not hard to guess that you probably haven't kissed any other partners if you even had them." Hiiro made an offended noise but the bugster just leaned into him closer. "You can just close your eyes and pretend, I'm only offering this for her sake anyway."

Hiiro's first instinct was to shove Graphite away, but something made him hesitate.

He wanted to keep asking Graphite on why he was so insistent about this but figured that was all the answer he was going to get from the bugster. He had always felt guilty that he'd never kissed her, so he leaned in and let it happen.

With his eyes closed like this and, as much as he hated to admit, no experience, it was quite easy to pretend that this was Saki he was kissing. He didn't remember the exact shape of her lips, even if he looked at their photo often. Five years made all the details of her close up and real blurry, so the lips on his were adequate, nice even. It felt good to press against them and sent something tingling and warm through his chest and fingertips. His hands were tempted to reach out and touch, grab onto the body pressed against his, but somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that would break the illusion. Since he was thinking that, maybe he already had, and what did that say about him, that he was still leaning into it, enjoying it even?

The kiss wasn't anything special, just a chaste press of lips on lips. A complete opposite of what he expected a kiss from the bugster to be. Gentle and restrained enough to pretend that he was back in 2011, still in college with no idea of what tragedies were to come, and Saki by his side. Soon enough, the moment was broken, and Hiiro kept his eyes closed, not willing to break it.

When he finally opened them again, Graphite was already gone, and it was enough to make him question if he just imagined the whole thing. He brought his fingers to his lips and gently ran across them. Hiiro wasn't sure what he was expecting to be there, but there was no evidence that anything happened and he could make his peace with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If y'all thought this was gonna be only Saki/Hiiro, surprise, Graphiiro is here, too.
> 
> Also, sorry the timeline's a little messed if you're comparing it one to one with canon.


	6. Realization

It was done.

They finally defeated Graphite, Saki had been avenged, and he'd finally achieved everything he'd set out to do when she disappeared in front of him five years ago.

So why did he feel upset about it?

Or, upset about Graphite's defeat wasn't exactly it. He was upset at how empty he felt now that the bugster was gone. Perhaps he was simply overthinking how purposeless he suddenly felt now that he'd finished a goal he'd been pursuing for the last five years of his life. It couldn't be that he was actually missing Graphite or regretting his destruction in any way. Those strange meetings and times he'd actually helped Hiiro didn't work their way into his head and make him care for that disease. If there was any feeling, it was because he was using Graphite as a stand-in for Saki. Those feelings were for her and her alone.

He didn't regret it at all. Graphite was a threat to humanity. He needed to be eliminated.

At least, that's what Hiiro continued to tell himself every day after that battle.

* * *

"Brave!" Saki cried out, and he felt his pulse spike with how happy her voice sounded, but managed to duck out of the way of the energy blast she alerted him to. This wasn't supposed to be something fun! How could she not grasp the weight of what was happening? And why wouldn't she use his real name, she wasn't a Rider?

Saki and Maki had discovered a strain of Bugster Virus from asymptomatic patients exposed during Chronicle. They didn't even know the virus could have asymptomatic carriers, but they quickly found out from the first few attacks from this mutation of the virus. This new version was communicable through more conventional means, like coughing and sneezing, and once it spread to a susceptible host, a stage two bugster would suddenly appear. If the patient was into video games, the new bugsters started manifesting as chimeras of mascots and enemies of whatever games they recently played. All other carriers' bugsters were manifesting as whatever media they consumed, messaging app stickers, news station mascots, anime characters, seemingly anything fictional, and in some form of digital media were fair game for this new strain. Fortunately, they didn't seem to have the intelligence, or even the sentience, of the original bugsters. These new Chimera Bugsters, as CR decided to dub them, were much bigger, about the size of Bugster Unions, and destroyed indiscriminately.

They really had their work cut out for them, and it was all hands on deck in every fight. Maki and Saki would usually hang back with Saiba to get video of the attacks to study later while the others fought. And when they weren't fighting, everyone was doing their part to strategize or research a cure for this new strain.

"Hey, if anyone knows an Ultraman, this might be a really good time to call—"

Lazer Turbo's quip got cut off by a swipe of a giant cat paw and him taking a second too long to dodge it. A misstep probably from focusing on jokes rather than the battle, but Kujo overworking himself and his sluggishness in fights lately hadn't escaped Hiiro's notice either. Their current Chimera was a mix of a giant cat from some phone game, a television screen with glitching color bars in place of a face, and highly stylized historical architecture and giant serpent heads grew out of its back from something Saiba was incessantly shouting about painting and wolves. By far one of the less intimidating bugsters they've encountered, but the swing from the Chimera's stubby looking paws was apparently enough to send Lazer Turbo flying.

He landed with a thud and rolled a few meters, stopping right near Saki. One of the serpent mouths on their back shot a fireball their way, and fortunately, a kick from Poppy right before the attack fired was enough to make it lose its aim, the explosion just missing them, kicking up a huge smokescreen. Hiiro lost sight of both of them after that, preferring to focus on the fight at hand, confident that Kujo would have the sense of mind to get them both out of there.

But that didn't seem to be the case, because Lazer Turbo suddenly re-entered the fight. A little slower and not as agile as normal, but more than making up for it with how effectively they were using the crossbow mode on the Gashacon Sparrow.

Hiiro had a sinking suspicion on who it was, but he didn't have any conformation until Saki's voice came from the suit, yelling at him to dodge.

"Saki this is reckless!" He shouted as he swung his sword and knocked one of the serpent heads away from her as she was distracted, taking aim at another that was trying to knock Poppy off the Chimera's back, "What happened to Kujo?"

"He'll be fine! You guys obviously need the help!" She yelled back, running and tucking into a dodge roll as a giant paw swung down on them once again.

"This is a serious operation, Saki—!" Hiiro flinched as something slammed into him from the side, bowling him over as a fireball shot barely missed him and whatever knocked him aside. 

When he looked up, Poppy was shaking a finger in his face, "Pipopapo Penalty, Hiiro! No in-fighting when you can focus on the fight at hand!" She got to her feet twirling around and slamming her foot into one of the heads, making stars fly around its eyes as it wobbled around dazedly.

Saki, who had inexplicably gotten up on it's back, suddenly leaped down with the Sparrow in scythe mode, cutting off the stunned head with a clean strike, making it explode in a burst of pixels.

Hiiro found himself letting out a tense breath he didn't realize he was holding, but quickly got to his feet to rejoin the fray. As much as he disliked it, Saki was here to stay, and they could talk about it later.

* * *

When they were finally done with the battle and regrouped, they started going around to help any bystanders that might've gotten caught up in the crossfire. An unfortunate side effect of the Chimera bugsters was that they were unaffected by the Game Area, so Nico and Tsukuru had organized Genm cleanup teams to also help with any damages to property and they were arriving on scene to start helping out as well. Once things looked like they were being handled, Hiiro immediately sought Kujo out, who was sitting on the curb, looking overall scuffed up.

"What the hell was that?"

Before Kujo could retort, a hand was grabbing him and whirling him around so he was face to face with an upset Saki.

"I took his Gamer Driver!"

"Saki..." Kiriya tried to interrupt but she held a hand up, eyes still on Hiiro.

"It's not his fault! If you're going to blame anyone, blame me. He couldn't fight anymore, so I made a rash decision because I thought you needed help."

"Then you should know how reckless that was." Hiiro said, on the brink of yelling, "I've already lost you once—"

"I know!" Saki suddenly snapped. "I know, I've already died once, but why is everyone so hung up on that? Why should that stop me from actually living a second time and trying to help where I can?"

Hiiro wasn't entirely sure what his response was but all he knew was that they were fighting again. But unlike all the other times before, he was actively fighting instead of letting her just yell at him or ignoring her. And for some reason, he started feeling sick to his stomach. His face felt like it was on fire like he had a fever. It took him a while, but it slowly started to click why he was feeling this and the revelation was making his stomach twist in all kinds of uncomfortable ways.

This fire in his belly, the sort of excitement and passion he was feeling that was much more than he'd ever felt towards anyone else. This was how he felt about Graphite whenever they'd fight. This was the feeling he had on those lonely visits from the bugster. This was the feeling that made him realize, however twisted up and inexplicable they were, that in a similarly twisted way, he loved Graphite.

And to feel it for Saki at this moment, confused him even more.

What did he really know about her, actually? What did he actually feel for her, if the girl he thought he was in love with was so much different than he led himself to believe was the real her?

What if she contributed more to Graphite's personality than he thought?


	7. Avoidance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiro dodging his feelings and what they mean like it's the Matrix

"You're avoiding me," 

Hiiro tried to continue walking, but Graphite suddenly teleported in front of him. 

"What about Lovelica is so important that you can't fight me?" 

"My father is infected with him." 

Graphite clicked his tongue, baring those sharp teeth and making Hiiro swallow uncomfortably, "He wasn't before, but you still favored fighting him over me." 

"Is the unlicensed doctor not enough for you?" Hiiro kept his face stoic, "I thought you'd be perfectly happy with just him since you both have a history that goes further back than the two of us." 

"It may seem that way on the surface, but ours runs deeper," Graphite's eyes narrowed, and he started walking around Hiiro, slowly, circling him like prey, keeping his distance for now and putting the surgeon on edge, wondering when he would strike, "Why don't you want to fight me?" 

Hiiro sneered back, "My time with Saki has nothing to do with you." Graphite was behind him now, he could start walking away right now, but something about the gaze piercing straight into his soul was keeping him frozen there. 

"You really think that?" Graphite snarled. 

"Yes," Hiiro tried to stand his ground. 

"Then why did you kiss back?" 

Hiiro didn't want to face Graphite. He silently begged the other bugster not to move in front of him because if he looked at him now, surely he'd— 

"I believe your words were 'it's for her sake, so you can pretend,' and I did. If you're hurt because you've deluded yourself that I wouldn't do so, that's on you." 

"You can keep lying to yourself, but I refuse to do that anymore." 

There was dead silence after that, but Hiiro could feel the judgemental gaze on his back, so he continued walking away. Graphite couldn't prove Hiiro enjoyed it for any other reason than pretending he was Saki. Couldn't prove that he enjoyed it all for that matter. Because he didn't. He could keep convincing himself that everything he'd done was still for her sake. To keep her memory alive. Even if there was a small part of him that was questioning why he needed to convince himself in the first place if it was a fact. 

* * *

Hiiro had never been so afraid to go back to CR in his life. 

Kujo and Poppy ended up pulling him and Saki apart during their argument over her reckless move, and they hadn't spoken to each other since. Saki had tried to reach out a few times, but he just ignored her for the moment. He needed to get his thoughts sorted out. He needed space, and apparently, he needed it enough he was willing to go to Genm to hide out on one of the floors and pretend he was there for business. 

It was a selfish move, but he couldn't handle being at the hospital today and it was too short notice to take a day of leave. He couldn't handle accidentally seeing Saki and suddenly being reminded that maybe he didn't love her and actually loved Graphite instead. There were so many new, confusing things he was learning about both of them and himself that he was still processing. 

Unfortunately, his plans for some peace and quiet were thwarted by Saiba spotting him in one of the halls and suddenly running over. 

"Hiiro!" She quickly grabbed him by the arm to keep him from escaping, "What are you doing here? Hiding from Saki?" 

He hated how she just blurted that out, but he hated how she was able to figure it out within seconds of seeing him even more. Was it that obvious? 

She didn't wait for his answer either, just leading him towards the elevators, "Well, let's talk about it in my office, then." 

To Hiiro's surprise, she hit the button for the basement instead of any of the upper floors. The ride down felt long, probably much longer than it actually was, but when the doors finally opened, he was hit with a wave of uncomfortable warmth, his face scrunched up in response. 

"Your office is down here?" He said, genuinely curious, but hoping the disdain for the heat wasn't leaking into his tone. 

She nodded, "Pretty cool, right? I get why the bugsters were always hanging out down here during Chronicle now." 

There were some plywood boards leaned up against one of the walls and bits of cement here and there. There must be some remodeling going on. Eventually, they came to the source of the construction when they reached a very rudimentary looking wooden wall with a door installed. 

"It's still a work in progress, but I really like it so far," Saiba said proudly as she ushered Hiiro through the door. 

As he stepped into the office, he realized there was a lot more to the renovations than he thought. Game cabinets lined what he assumed was the back wall of the server room, not just Genm ones, but all kinds of titles that Saiba played for tournaments, Hiiro assumed. There was a soft carpet in the middle of the somewhat cleared space that many of her plushies laid around in, some of them occupying bean bag chairs. Near that, there was a tiny foldout desk covered in papers with some cushions strewn around. There weren't even any walls to the place, and like she could read his mind, Saiba just flopped down on a beanbag and gestured to her office (if it could even be called that) as she explained. 

"I have the door to be all fancy and official, but it would be too much of a hassle to install walls with all the servers around. So c'mon, find a seat, and let's talk." 

"Um, I think I'd actually..." Hiiro tried to decline, but she just waved him over again. 

Of course, Saiba wasn't one to take "no" for an answer if she saw a problem she might be able to fix, and... Well, his problem was about a girl, and Saiba _was_ a girl. Not that they were all the same, but Saiba was rather reckless, something he didn't expect of Saki, he could perhaps gain some vital insight from Saiba's perspective about her. 

With all that in mind, he gently removed the bear plush that was occupying the beanbag closest to Saiba and sat down, slipping and jolting when he sunk deeper into it than he expected. Once he got the hang of sitting on all the little pellets rolling around inside the cushion, he found it surprisingly comfy. 

"So, what's up?" 

Hiiro fidgeted with his hands, "Um, well, things are going quite well with my daily life—" 

Saiba waved a hand dismissively, "No like, what's bothering you? I know you got into that big fight with Saki-chan, so what's up with that? You never come around so I figured that's gotta be eating you alive or something." 

"Ah," Hiiro nodded subtly in sudden understanding. "Well, yes, it is a source of great... distress at the moment. I was actually wanting to come here to sort my thoughts..." He said, hoping she would take the hint, but she just reclined further into her beanbag. 

"Yeah, I've noticed some tension between you two ever since she came back. We all kinda figured there'd be some at first, but this has been going on way longer than we expected. What's up with that?" 

"Well... Hold on, who's 'we?'" 

Saiba shrugged nonchalantly, "Poppy, me, Kiriya, your dad, y'know, the usual suspects when it comes to CR gossip." 

Hiiro shook his head, blinking in surprise, "I was not aware of this group— did you say my father as well?" 

She just nodded, seemingly unimpressed with his observational skills concerning the casual goings-on at CR. 

After taking a bit to process that information, Hiiro cleared his throat suddenly feeling more cautious of every word he was saying around her, "Well, you're correct. I'm starting to realize that the problems Saki and I are facing in our relationship are... of a much different nature than I was initially anticipating." 

"So what were you 'initially anticipating?'" Saiba made a circular gesture with her fingers, urging him to continue. 

"Well, I was expecting an adjustment period, which there was. But... I'm afraid that Saki's a much different person than I thought she was... and because of that, I fear that my affections for her have gotten muddled in with those for..." His blood ran cold as he felt Graphite's name at the tip of his tongue, mind scrambling for something else to fill in the end of the sentence. "...for someone else," he settled on. 

Saiba pursed her lips, placing a hand on her chin in thought, "So you're learning more about her. Isn't that something that happens in any relationship as it progresses?" 

"Yes, but I'm more afraid that I was never in love with her in the first place." 

"So what makes you so afraid of this relationship with the other person then? If you're feeling that you're not compatible with Saki, then you could break up with her and go for whoever they are. Or like, admit you have feelings for both?" 

Hiiro shook his head, "No, it has to be one or the other. It's just, incredibly confusing because... they," he dragged on the word, willing himself not to use any pronouns that might be leading but still felt a little unused to saying it. "Now that Saki's back in my life I'm finding it hard to differentiate between the feelings for them. And I'm finding that all these traits of Saki's I hadn't known about or noticed before are... surprisingly similar to the other person." 

"So... you're guilty for liking this other person while Saki was gone... but now that she's back, you're finding out she's really similar to your new crush, so like... why not just stay with Saki because she seems to be the best of both worlds for you right now? I don't know how far you got with the other person, but stop leading them on and call it off or something." 

Hiiro froze when she said 'best of both worlds' everything, _everything_ from the moment Saki was revived until now suddenly felt like it snapped into place. She was right. Graphite came from Saki, so the parts of him he was attracted to must've come from her. They were practically the same person, so he didn't need to worry about this at all. He suddenly felt so silly for being hung up on this whole thing. 

Leaping to his feet, he nodded briskly at Saiba and made his way out of her office. He needed to get back to work, and tomorrow he could apologize to her, first thing in the morning. 

"You're _welcome!"_ Saiba shouted after him. 

"Boys..." She rolled her eyes after he left. 


	8. Making Up (Somewhat)

"Medic— Kujo... I'm sorry, Kujo. It's good to get some time with you," Hiiro stumbled over his greeting again.

Kujo gave him a slight nod of acknowledgment, watching him with an expression of stone, not moving an inch as Hiiro took a seat across from him.

Ever since the two of them started working under Masamune, Hiiro suddenly felt like the way he would call people by their titles was off-putting. It used to be comforting, to be able to distance himself and not have to put caution in regards to others' emotions, because the alternative was so much effort. Effort he could be putting towards his patients and their operations, otherwise, it would just be him spending all his time to hear out their problems and getting invested in things that wouldn't matter because he had trouble with stopping himself from giving his all into anything he truly cared about. He put everything into surgery because that's what would be saving lives, not bleeding hearts and offering an ear to bend.

But over this whole crisis, fighting alongside the others and getting close to them, unintentionally getting invested in their emotions and their problems, Hiiro found himself in an uncomfortable position where he instinctively wanted to keep pushing everyone away to save himself the strife of being connected to people and experiencing their pain with them, but also wanting to reach out and see what opening up to that was like.

Now that he'd cut himself off from all those ties, he thought it'd be okay again, but now, here was Kujo, back again.

"I've been wanting to ask if you miss your position at Seito. I'm finding that I feel a bit... incomplete, without doing surgery or even my regular workflow. As troublesome as being a Kamen Rider or dealing with patients and their relatives was, I miss it."

Kujo just shrugged, shifting his position so his legs were crossed and he could rest his head on his hand. It was reminiscent of how he would usually lounge on chairs or sit improperly, almost enough to give Hiiro comfort, but it was still stiff, unrelaxed and wrong, wrong, _wrong._ Just like this whole situation.

Hiiro nodded, "I sometimes worry if this is the right decision. I've certainly had many doubts since I've started."

There's a flash of recognition in Kujo's eyes like Hiiro finally hit on something worthy of capturing his attention. Even if he imagined it, it encouraged him, so he kept talking about everything that's given him pause since joining Masamune. From the biggest regrets to the smallest complaints, he pours out his heart like it's a broken dam, finally letting everything he's kept bottled up spill out and fill the space between them.

He's not sure if it's just the relief of finally letting go or if Kujo's position actually shifted subtly to be more familiar, but he slowly feels comforted.

Hiiro let out the tiniest of chuckles. "I apologize for all of that. I didn't expect to go that in-depth about my problems."

Kujo's head tilted, and there's a spark of emotion in his eyes as if to tell him 'It's okay.'

"I was almost considering giving up," He nodded, "Though things are terrible here, we're here together, and I appreciate that even if you're... not your usual self... I know we weren't very close when you were alive, but I feel comforted having a familiar face to be with until this is all over."

For some reason, that was what finally caused a crack in the former medical examiner's stoic demeanor, and his brow furrowed. He finally met Hiiro's eyes, and while he had trouble discerning the emotions, Hiiro felt like the expression was sorrowful, maybe even slightly pained. Later, he would learn that expression was regret because the medical examiner would be leaving Hiiro and returning to the CR the next day. And for the next painful weeks, he'd have to make his decisions all alone, once again.

* * *

With Nico's "pep talk" from yesterday, Hiiro felt confident in finally talking everything out with Saki as he headed into CR that morning. He found her quickly and they immediately said:

"We need to talk." at the same time.

They startled each other and for a moment they became stuttering messes, but Saki reasserted herself first and looked at him firmly.

"I'm not going to apologize for what I did, but I do know that you were just concerned, so thank you for that. I appreciate it, but it's not needed, okay? I'm learning to take care of myself and I need to get out there and make mistakes on my own."

Hiiro was mostly taken off guard by Saki's response, but he tried to stay calm and remind himself why he was here. He tried nodding to acknowledge what she said.

"It's just been something I've been thinking of a lot and I need to let you know before you keep insisting on babying me or holding me back. I have more to tell you but it should probably wait until later tonight or something, okay?"

He swallowed hard, trying to keep processing this, and when he saw that she was pretty much finished, gesturing for him to start saying whatever he needed to.

Hiiro took a deep breath, "I wanted to apologize for how I talked to you the other day. I let my insecurities cloud my judgment about you and that was unfair... I just wanted to say that to you first thing today. Shall we meet back here after your shift to go over the other things you want to say?"

Saki pursed her lips thoughtfully, then nodded once, "See you then."

She turned on her heel, heading down to the quarantine room to do whatever she needed to, leaving Hiiro alone in the meeting room. His good mood from earlier was completely down and he couldn't help but think that he wasn't going to like where tonight's conversation was going.


	9. Breaking Point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really happy to be done with this. I still feel like it's messy and disjointed, I may come back to it eventually but I'm just happy to finally hit post on this chapter I've had this written for like 4 months.

"What the hell was that?"

Graphite was snarling, had Hiiro pinned up against the wall with the gauntleted forearm pressing into his chest.

He did something wrong.

Hiiro wasn't sure what bad thing it was, he could barely remember what happened since he started working for Masamune. Everything had been a blur, time losing its grip on him and feeling like one eternal, terrible day.

Instead of trying to listen in and see what Graphite was berating him for, he blindly reached out. The tips of his fingers gently brushed against skin, and they surged forward, his hands molding and conforming to the shapes they found, eventually cradling Graphite's face in them. Whatever the bugster had been yelling at him came to a sudden halt.

Just like everything else, the next moments were hazy, but Hiiro remembered the sensations of something slow and tentative and warm. Lips on lips, then against his throat. Hands roaming and touching and just being warm until there was a sudden shift of cold to hot as his shirt was ripped open and a body pressed against him.

Some part of him distantly thought, if he was supposed to be fighting for Saki, then he should be fighting for whatever's left of her in Graphite as well. The rest of him is horrified by the idea, shoving it away in favor of pretending Graphite was her instead. Just like he always did. Thinking of her when he couldn't have her and make things right.

They couldn't do any prep and they silently acknowledged it between them when Hiiro threw his legs around Graphite's waist and the bugster hesitated. But Hiiro just urged him onwards, forcing himself down on Graphite's body to make the dragon instinctively thrust back, shoving him against the wall for support and accidentally knocking his head against the concrete.

There's pain.

Of course, there is, but he welcomes it because he deserves it.

* * *

When Saki reaches her breaking point, it's completely unlike Graphite.

She's quiet.

But he still knows he's messed up because that's what he expected of her. Maybe he shouldn't have, given all the new things he's learned about Saki in this brief time with her, but he's still having trouble with getting over the previous notions he had.

He sees that familiar swirl of emotions behind her eyes. An inferno that used to be so well contained, now on the verge of exploding. That was always the most dangerous aspect of Graphite as well. His prowess in battle and his sharp strategic mind weren't things to scoff at, but just the way he always seemed ready to explode was the most threatening aspect of him. It always felt like he was always holding back, waiting for Hiiro and Taiga to catch up, for them to finally be at his level and face him at his full strength. Even back then, when they first defeated him as a team.

"We need to talk." Saki said, posture rigid and eyes starting to get glassy but in every other way, her body language and tone are angelic and soft. Just like the princess she was supposed to be.

He nodded, getting the feeling that he knew where this was going, and he was ready for it to finally happen.

They got seated across from each other at the meeting table and he waited for her to start. With the formalities over and Hiiro in prime position to listen to her, Saki let out a harsh sigh, eyes closing as she metaphorically let her hair down, tension bleeding from her entire body.

Hiiro was surprised to see that, expecting her to keep her facades up the whole time. He didn't have time to ask or even figure out what that meant before her eyes were opening again and she was speaking.

He snapped to attention, and it didn't get past her notice, she raised an eyebrow, but continued regardless.

"Look, I feel like you saw this coming, but we never really defined our relationship since I came back, and I think after everything that's happened, we need to break it off."

Hiiro nodded. Yes, this was exactly what he expected, he could handle this.

"You deserve to know why as well," Saki said directly, and Hiiro prepared himself for the onslaught of his failings. He understood exactly what was aggravating her, so he was prepared to hear it.

Saki swallowed hard, "Hiiro, I feel like I'm really unhealthy for you, and as much as I care, we need time apart."

Yes, that was— Wait... She still cared? Saki thought _she_ was unhealthy for him?

"Hiiro, I'm upset with you for a lot of things, but what really burns me up is that when I died, you seemed so determined to go with me. I never wanted to be a weight on your conscience like that."

He blinked confusedly, "No, you... You're mad at me for all the time you lost, though. I killed you, Saki. It was all my fault..."

Saki looked like she was about to lose it, and he prepared himself once again for the wrath she was sure to unleash on him. She had been too kind, trying to spare his feelings, and maybe being reminded of his neglect towards her broke her restraint on her feelings. But she just exhaled slowly instead. A little sigh, full of disappointment and frustration, but still, not what he was expecting. Why wasn't she—?

She took a few more breaths to compose herself, then spoke again, "Hiiro, look, you seem to have all these assumptions about who I am, but you don't really know me. I don't really know you either, not deep down like I want to, and it's partially on me. I thought you were so cool when we first met, I rushed us both into the relationship and it wasn't fair on you. So I think it's better if we take some time away, then try to start again as friends when we've had time to heal and process. Nine years is a long time to carry all that guilt."

This was too much. None of it was going the way he expected. Surely, she was supposed to be mad. She had expressed it to Saiba and Poppy that she was angry with him, he heard her talk about it. He was expecting harsh glares and sharp remarks and... Graphite. He was really expecting her to react like Graphite. He really thought...

Saki seemed to sense his crisis and continued to explain, "I'm not sad about all the time I missed, Hiiro. Apparently, I have forever, until they figure out how to make me human again, at least. I can make up everything I missed whenever I want," She crossed her arms, though it looked more like she was hugging herself, seeking comfort in herself because she knew this was a place where she would get none, "What makes me upset is, for almost a decade, you never gave up on me," He tried to protest, but she went on, "That's time you'll never get back, Hiiro. There's so much more to life than mourning the dead and I wanted you to move on and find someone else to be happy with."

He swallowed hard and her gaze felt piercing, making his throat constrict and feel hot, just like—

"Though I think you already have."

She said that with such a finality it felt like it impacted into his chest, sending shudders through his whole body.

"I want you to be happy, Hiiro. And I want to be friends. But I also have to do what makes me happy, and right now, being with you in whatever this is, it's something that has to stop." She hugged herself the slightest bit tighter, waiting for a response, but after what felt like a heavy, silent eternity, she said, "Think about it."

And with that, she was gone in a trail of pixels.

Hiiro stared after the empty space she left behind for a while, then let his hands fall to his lap, head down and blankly staring at the floor. He wanted to appreciate her for who she was, but it was becoming more and more obvious that he didn't really know Saki, and he wouldn't know for a while since she was still hiding her true self from the world. He didn't know why his interest in her only picked up after her death... Well, he knew. It was out of guilt. Robbing her of a life that she was meant to have by being something that stressed her out when she was sick instead of reaching out like she wanted. Like she needed someone to. And now that he had her back, and could finally help her have that, all he could think of was Graphite and how things could've gone differently. But while he was "with" Graphite, he kept pretending he was Saki to feel better about his guilt when he really felt something for him.

There were still so many unanswered questions as he tried to think about where to go from here, realizing he planned his whole life around Saki and making up for all that lost time. But now that she didn't want him around for a while, he had nothing to do besides go to work and continue trying to "be the best doctor in the world."

Even that endeavor seemed distant and strange now since it was the goal she gave him. Her final wish. And while he'd started to shape that goal into something of his own, it was starting to lose its form now that the foundation had been suddenly swept out from under it.

  
He didn't have any answers, but now that he knew there were even questions in the first place, he could start putting himself on the path to find them. And he would. It was the least he owed to Graphite and Saki. But most of all, to himself.


End file.
